...HOREY!

2005-12-20T21:07:00.000+08:00

praying really works.. i've gotten my justice.. but im not sticking around... choochay, you have ur choochie.. like what ive sed, ive been living w/o him and its been the best decision ive made ever. God is really just and He protected me from my enemies =) ive said sorry but its in the nature of those who are selfrighteous not to forgive or ask forgiveness for that matter.. its all good =) things are peacful now

Psalm 25

2005-12-05T21:00:00.000+08:00

---
To thee, O LORD, I lift up my soul. O my God, in thee I trust, let me not be put to shame; let not my enemies exult over me. Yea, let none that wait for thee be put to shame; let them be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous. Make me to know thy ways, O LORD; teach me thy paths. Lead me in thy truth, and teach me, for thou art the God of my salvation; for thee I wait all the day long. Be mindful of thy mercy, O LORD, and of thy steadfast love, for they have been from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth, or my transgressions; according to thy steadfast love remember me, for thy goodness' sake, O LORD! Good and upright is the LORD; therefore he instructs sinners in the way. He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way. All the paths of the LORD are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies. For thy name's sake, O LORD, pardon my guilt, for it is great. Who is the man that fears the LORD? Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose. He himself shall abide in prosperity, and his children shall possess the land. The friendship of the LORD is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant. My eyes are ever toward the LORD, for he will pluck my feet out of the net. Turn thou to me, and be gracious to me; for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart, and bring me out of my distresses. Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins. Consider how many are my foes, and with what violent hatred they hate me. Oh guard my life, and deliver me; let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in thee. May integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for thee. Redeem Israel, O God, out of all his troubles.

happy and free

2005-11-30T15:24:00.000+08:00

last night i prayed really hard for God to take away all the hatred all the anger in my heart. i dont really like having enemies so i started with ***, i asked God if i should continue staying mad at him. i asked for i sign ad i go my anser.. *** called this morning but i was hesitant to pick up. i asked for another sign and it gave me the same anser. so i finally reply and ask that we talk to give this all closure. for the insecure one who's waitng for me to fail, you beter just shut up coz u'l just get pahiya agen. anyway yeah we had lunch and i brot some of his stuff that he left with me. it sort of felt good to say everything and let go of all that excess baggage. bittersweet. but its something i had to do to completely let go with no hard feelings. as for "stop_lying_to_urself", im not mad at her but a little hurt that she'd meddle in her friends own battle. ive known "stop_lying_to_urself" since gradeschool infact we were friends back in grade three and i remember beating up the boys who teased her "barney's cornbeef". honestly, you should've have thought first before you started calling names coz it wasnt you i was fighting with. you're entitled to your own opinion and so are my friends but they were'nt haughty enough to meddle in this too becuase they knew it wasnt their business except mine and the ones involved in the issue. but for watever its worth, im sorry for what i said about you. i wasnt mad to begin with and thats up to you if you want to hate. as for kara, i have forgiven her whether or not she wants to be forgiven. i just cant keep carrying all this anger. its not healthy and i know im not at folt as much as she is. she knew wat she was doing wasnt right and yet she continued to do so. i never did anything directly and purpousely to her back when this all began (early college). my only mistake was stooping down and fighting back. i couldnt let her step on me anymore. like what she said "you can't always be nice to everyone bea you have to stand up for urself". and thats just what i did. anyway its all water under the bridge. il admit there's still a little anger left. im only human. hopefuly this little left will go away soon. im working on it =)
~~~
on a lightner note, i've been wanting to take up fishing for the longest time. hehe now that i'm free and single, i can take up everything i've been wanting to coz nobody is occupying my time anymore =) fishing.. sounds dorky.. hehe my dad and my brothers used to fish when we'd go to montemar and we'd eat what they caught for dinner.. or surfing in la union or maybe arnis? haha kc idol ko si lito lapid jaskeeding =) im excited! to go back to theater dancing performing =) flamenco, salsa i duno. life's great =) no stress, no burden, no worries. im loving it! and im back on track..
~~~
school's been fun even if its really early in the morning.. i love love love cooking =) and i love feeding people! i can just see myself being a dedicated homemaker hehe diferent strokes for diferent folks. there are some who are really succesfull but not happy deep down inside.. and those who have all the money in the world but still cant fill in the void with material satisfactions. i duno i just want a simple family, a simple contented life.. anyways, x-mas is just around the corner and this year for sure will be a great one.. even if the whole economy is under crisis, lets not forget that the true meaning of x-mas is sharing and love. its not about how many gifts you get and how much your ninangs and ninongs give you, what's important is that the family is all together laughing and having a good time.. =)

can i do it?

2005-09-14T01:50:00.000+08:00

im seriously thinking of becoming a vegetarian. i love animals too much and the other night coming home there was a big truck lot of chickens infront of me and i just started weeping. felt so bad for them and i started reminicing about my two pet chickens. parang sa movie, slow-mo and my sad music sa background..hihi how ironic, the next day i had chicken fingers and chicken adobo. hmmm... im gonna try talaga force myself to eat gulay only.. sna kayo ko =)

2005-09-11T23:22:00.000+08:00

3 names you go by:

1. bey
2. bei
3. chiquitita

3 screen names you have had:

1. prokopyo jones
2. madcow
3. cougarette alyas baby cougar

3 physical things you like about yourself:

1. waist
2. my butt
3. my ankles

3 physical things you don’t like about yourself:

1. thighs and arms
2. height
3. feet

3 parts of your heritage:

i'm half pinoy, half spanish ?

3 things that scare you:

1. spiders
2. cancer
3. going to hell

3 things of your everyday essentials:

1. baby cologne
2. water bottle
3. tissue paper

3 of your favorite musical artists:

1. u2 and sting
2. sarah brightman (in phantom of the opera)
3. andrew e. (hahaha humanap ka ng panget!....at ibigin mong tunay)

3 of your favorite songs:

1. tao by sampaguita
2. highschool life oh my highschool life by ate shawie
3. anak ni luningning by denmark

3 things you want in a relationship:

1. money
2. adoration
3. servitude HAHAHAHA

3 physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:

1. a GIANT heart and very very LONG patience =)
2. perky butt
3. slender legs and bony feet

3 of your favorite hobbies:

1. cooking
2. singing
3. laughing

3 careers you’re considering/you’ve considered:

1. nun
2. vet
3. adicct!.........sa pagmamahal hehe

3 places you want to go on a vacation:

1. under the sea
2. over the rainbow
3. hawaii

3 kid’s names you like:

1. bruno
2. magnus
3. boggart
4. jograd
5. engelbert

3 things you want to do before you die:

1. pray
2. repent
3. forgive

3 ways that you are stereotypically a boy/girl:

BOYS
1. matakaw sa kanin
2. sweaty
3. mabaho

GIRLS
1. fickle minded
2. wishy washy
3. and a flake

3 celeb crushes:

1. george clooney
2. jhon lloyd cruz
3. undertaker (wrestler)

3 people you would like to take this quiz:

1. tito
2. vic
3. and joey

=)

i've kept quiet for too long.. now its time you feel my wrath =)

2005-09-09T13:14:00.000+08:00

BOOK OF PSALMS

30:1 --- I will extol you, O Lord, for you have drawn me up and have not let my foes rejoice over me.

31:1-3 --- In you, O Lord, do I take refuge;let me never be put to shame;in your righteousness deliver me! Incline your ear to me;rescue me speedily!Be a rock of refuge for me,a strong fortress to save me!

34:13-14 --- Keep your tongue from eviland your lips from speaking deceit. Turn away from evil and do good;seek peace and pursue it.

34:17-18 --- When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hearsand delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenheartedand saves the crushed in spirit.

35:1-8 --- Contend, O Lord, with those who contend with me;fight against those who fight against me! Take hold of shield and bucklerand rise for my help! Draw the spear and javelin against my pursuers!Say to my soul,“I am your salvation!”
Let them be put to shame and dishonor who seek after my life!Let them be turned back and disappointedwho devise evil against me! Let them be like chaff before the wind,with the angel of the Lord driving them away! Let their way be dark and slippery,with the angel of the Lord pursuing them!
For without cause they hid their net for me;without cause they dug a pit for my life. Let destruction come upon him when he does not know it!And let the net that he hid ensnare him;let him fall into it—to his destruction!

37:1-6 --- Fret not yourself because of evildoers;be not envious of wrongdoers! For they will soon fade like the grassand wither like the green herb.
Trust in the Lord, and do good;dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord,and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord;trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,and your justice as the noonday

37:8-9 --- Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath!Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil. For the evildoers shall be cut off,but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land

37:27-28 --- Turn away from evil and do good;so shall you dwell forever. For the Lord loves justice;he will not forsake his saints.They are preserved forever,but the children of the wicked shall be cut off.

2005-06-14T23:51:00.000+08:00

got to spend time with my blurep friends last night which was cool. i missed them =) my kuya david called last week which was just wat i needed..to hear his voice and his words of encouragement at the time of my breakdown (which im proud to say i've learned to do alone. hehe dont wna be pabigat to my friends no more.. i keep things to myself nalang) galeng nga ni dave eh parang he had telepatetik powers or sumthing.. he knew exactly wen to call home.. i miss him na!!!!

well despite the shit, life is wonderful =) and im surviving! surprisingly beter then i thot i wud.. yeh boy!! life is beautiful agen.. the trees, the clouds, music, everything! hehe labo. i feel like a kid that cant wait to open her christmas presents.. =) i duno wat it is if im anxious, excited or wat. basta i know the best is yet to come =) and i cant wait!

God wont give u sumthing He knows u cant handle and as bob marley wud put it, "don't worry about a thing..coz every little thig is gona be alryt" woohoo!! =)

bible passages

2005-06-05T20:47:00.000+08:00

was riding in our starex the other day, stuck in traffic and decided to open the bible my mom always leaves in the car.. hehe yes i was bord.. =) found two random passages i dont really know what they mean or who they're toking about..

"he bows his head and feigns to hear, but wen not observed, he will take advantage of you."

-who will? the devil or ur enemy? hmm..

"the fall to the ground is less sudden than a slip of the tongue; that s why the down fall of the wicked comes so quickly"

-astig hehe

...

2005-06-04T15:51:00.000+08:00

Artist: Fastball
Title: Out Of My Head

Sometimes I feel
Like I am drunk behind the wheel
The wheel of possibility
However it may roll
Give it a spin
See if you can somehow factor in
You know there's always more than one way
To say exactly what you mean to say

Was I out of my head?
Was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an indication
It was hard to find
Don't matter what I say
only what I do
I never mean to do bad things to you
So quiet but I finally woke up
If you're sad then it's time you spoke up too...

eeeee cheesy! =)

2005-05-30T22:27:00.000+08:00

This will be the song on my wedding day for the man i'm going to love (whoever that'll be). Read the lyrics its really nice!

Feels Like Home
Artist: Chantal Kreviazuk

Something in your eyes
Makes me want to lose myself
Makes me want to lose myself
In your arms
There's something in your voice
Makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts
The rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've felt so low
If you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks down a long dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see through the dark there is light

If you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
If you knew how happy you are making me
I've never thought I'd love anyone so much

*** nice noh? hehe come to my wedding ha.. the motif's gona be either indian, egyptian or igorot bwahaha

lost

2005-05-29T23:57:00.000+08:00

ive never been this low. im so sad and lost. honestly u guys think im ok and i put on a happy face but every night i cry myself to sleep. and im not making paawa. babaw na kung mabababw compared to other people's problems but my life has no direction and everything i had and everything i knew is now gone. i dont know how to pick up the peices. i dunno where to start.

its like driving long distance... like going to baguio... u follow a steady direction and u trust where the road leads you but sudenly a big rock falls and u swerve off the mountain. thats exactly how i feel, its exactly wat hapened.

tangina i just wnna be happy. i never asked for this. its not like im rebelde or an addict. i dont think i did anything to deserve wats hapening. why cant it just be like before? i wnat things to go back wen nothing was corrupt. wen we wer both happy and when my bestfriend was still here! my life had meaning then..

wla eh. im going on alone and its hard. i wnna be with my kuya hu i know loves me unconditionally. i wnna be with my siblings. they're my home and my comfort.

Comfort in Your Strangeness

2005-05-12T13:28:00.000+08:00

woke up this morning
I was staring at the ceiling cracks
and roadmaps and highways and landscapes
I have seen
I have been
to places far and deep in my mind only to find
Comfort in Your strangeness
Of moving shadows when I call the wind by name
rushing Firewater in the dark of a cloud
I have seen
I have been
to places far and deep in my mind only to find
Comfort in Your strangeness
we are slaves to the crimes we commit
in fits of passion
we shame
we are nothing we are nothing we are nothing we are nothing
but the dust on Your feet
dying to be born again
singing Ether Water Fire singing Earth Singing Air
I have seen
I have been
to places far and deep in my mind only to find
Comfort in Your strangeness
I have seen
I have been
to places far and deep in my mind
only to find
Comfort in Your strangeness

Keep on Loving You

2005-05-07T19:52:00.000+08:00

You should have seen by the look in my eyes, baby
There was somethin' missin'
You should have known by the tone of my voice, maybe
But you didn't listen
You played dead, but you never bled
Instead you laid still in the grass all coiled up and hissin'

And though I know all about those men
Still I don't remember
Cause it was us, baby, way before then, and we're still together.
And I meant, every word I said
When I said that I loved you I meant that I loved you forever.

And I'm gonna keep on lovin' you
Cause it's the only thing I wanna do
I don't wanna sleep, I just wanna keep on lovin' you.

I'm gonna keep on lovin' you
Cause it's the only thing I wanna do
I don't wanna sleep, I just wanna keep on lovin' you.

2005-01-25T01:30:00.000+08:00

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. =P

~1 Corinthians 13:2-7

2005-01-17T01:11:00.000+08:00

hmm alot of stuffs going through my mind.. im thinking if i should audition for beauty and the beast and once on this island.. they're both incredible plays but the audition date is soon aproaching and as usual im losing confidence and doubting myslf agn.. and as always, i dont have a song prepared and my mind isnt set on auditioning yet. i want to do it but im scared of rejection and the demons in my head are killing me. if ever i do go it'll be a last minute thing agen and id regret screwing up coz of not preparing and not being sure of myself. ahh i hate this.. decisions decisions.. i miss performing already and i know i'd like to be on stage agen.. just need a little push to overcome my fear.. hayay-yay labo. hehe! =)

anyway, im kinda psyched about going to the states coz the phantom of the opera's showin there when we go and id give anything to see that play agen.. live! =) if there's one thing im obsessed about, its this play. =)

hmm watelse..? saw kung fu hustle with hyannah the other night..haha funny! slapstick comedy pero not obnoxious or annoying.. it was funny enough watching it sober wat more when ur hmmmm?? =) hala (thats a bad for yu!) hehe.. this is a useless post.. obviously im bored =p

my goals for this year:
1. loose 10 pounds
2. work (either o.j.t. in the kitchen or get any job)
3. go back to college or home school
4. continue painting with oil pastels and learn water color
5. take dancing lessons (jazz, hiphop, flamenco, salsa)
6. do theater acting/singing workshops
7. take spanish lessons
8. go to gym or badminton three times a week (haha yeah right!)
9. take another culinary course (maybe asian cuisine)

2005-01-12T15:21:00.000+08:00

I came across this article while surfing the net.. it answers a lot of doubt people usually have when it cums to this topic:

--->
When Friends Become Lovers

This lady said she knew a wonderful guy and really enjoyed being with him, they were growing closer and were attracted to each other, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to have sex with him because she didnt want to "ruin the friendship."

RUIN the friendship.

Do you realize what shes saying? What everyone who has ever said this is saying?

Growing closer and sharing love will RUIN a friendship. Finding a soul mate, with whom you can share your triumph, sadness, ups and downs will RUIN a friendship. Being intimate and committing yourself to another person will RUIN a friendship.

What does this say about how we view intimate relationships? A union that should really be the greatest friendship of all?

Well, I guess we dont see our partners as friends, thats for sure.

Friends are fun to be with. Friends are open and honest with us. They dont lie, they tell us exactly how they feel. Friends understand we need time by ourselves sometimes, and if we dont call, it doesnt mean wer still not friends...wer just doing something else. Our friends accept us as we are, and dont compare us to old friends. We laugh about the time we had a disagreement. Or we just forget about it, but we certainly dont remind each other about it every time we get cranky.

With our good friends, we can talk about ANYthing. Or we can just hang out together and not say a word. We dont wish we could change our friends. We accept them as individuals, and like them just the way they are.

But as soon as a friendship becomes a relationship, all hell breaks loose.

We walk on eggshells. We cant say what we think because we dont want to hurt each other. Wer afraid to be honest about our feelings. We agonize if they dont call every single day. We expect them to drop everything to be with us. To want to spend every moment with us.

To whom do we give the greater respect? Friends or lovers? I know what the answer seems to be, and what it SHOULD be.

When you "cross that line" into intimacy, your friendship should deepen and become stronger. Ideally, you are making a commitment to be intimate only with that one person.

You are saving that special part of your relationship for each other. And with it comes other emotional intimacy.

But fergawdsakes you should still be FRIENDS.

Perhaps what this lady meant was, what if we sleep together, and he looks dorky naked or we dont click physically -- will we be able to "go back" to just friends? "Just" friends.

But of course! If you are truly friends, you respect each other. You can laugh about your silly mistakes. You can put them in the amusing memories file (the one that only gets accessed after one or two cocktails), and move on.

A good friendship is rare and valuable. Its worth the effort. And most important, it should form the basis of a good, healthy intimate relationship. Whatever else you are together, you must be FRIENDS. Respect each others individuality. Appreciate each others differences. Demand and deliver honesty, loyalty and integrity. Do all of this, and your friendship will remain unshakable. A little nookie might make it better, it might not make any difference at all, but it certainly wont make a dent.

2004-12-28T01:01:00.000+08:00

BLAH-BLAH'S.. again =) heehee

1. If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else.

2. The beginning is the most important part of any work.

3. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

4. First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

5. The wishbone will never replace the backbone.

6. The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.

7. There are no more hours in a bad day than in a good one!

8. Learn as if you were going to live forever. Live as if you were going to die tomorrow.

9. Love wholeheartedly, be surprised, give thanks and praise--then you will discover the fullness of your life.

10. If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain.

11. The race is not always to the swift, but to those who keep on running.

12. A real friend never gets in your way - unless you happen to be on the way down.

13. Whenever you see darkness, there is extraordinary opportunity for the light to burn brighter.

14. Keep your fears to yourself, but share your inspiration with others.

15. Change your thoughts, and you change your world.

16. Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

17. Everyone's a star and deserves the right to twinkle.

18. There is in the worst of fortune the best of chances for a happy change.

19. Ultimately, it is through serving others that we become fully human.

20. Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.

2004-12-27T23:57:00.000+08:00

which ninja turtle are you?

You're Michaelangelo! WOO! You're so crazy!! You
are the life and soul of the party - no matter
where it is! You enjoy your life to the
maximum, love TV and video games. You're a
practical joker and have a knack for doing
impressions. Your weapon is the Nunchuku.

2004-12-20T21:11:00.000+08:00

reality check. merrily is over =( it only hit me today. ive gotten so used to the routine of waking up and looking forward to rehersals and seeing my friends. today i woke up and felt helpless.. i didnt know wat to do.. i had nothing on my agenda.. im overwhelmed, im strong, i try to keep it together.. but im only human.

merrily made me realize so many things.. it made me remember that theater is wat i love.. its wat i live for.. and nobody can ever begin to imagine how much i really do love this art.

it felt good to belong to a company that is professional and driven by the same passion.. people that can relate and people that understand wats in your heart. im probably not making sense ryt now but i really am sad! you guys dont know how much this means to me. when i was younger i had all the confidence in the world.. id perform for anyone anywer in a snap. after highschool cartain pipol pulled me down and i lost my spirit, lost my dignity and my identity.. for three years i was down. i was stuck in a rut i couldnt get out of. i tried so hard to be sumwan that i was not just to fit in and survive college. i felt dead. i closed the door to theater and swore id never open it agen. i was so low that i thot i had no chance and id never make it anyway so why bother?

college drained me so much emotionally and left me traumatized that my life lost meaning. i stopped college and took culinary arts which lifted my spirit a bit and gave me a little courage. i ended up enjoying it and that was the start of everything good thats been happening for me. when altair called me up at three am the day before the last auditions of merrily i was hesitant and first. like i said i closed that door and locked it and i never wanted to open it agen.. it took him 4hours to try to convince me na kahit papano i still had sum talent left and that there was a small possibility i could get into merrily.. but i really dint want to.. i was afraid of having to deal with new pipol.. having to deal with criticisms but i said wat the heck myt as well.. so anyway i went to auditions with out preparing at all.. and i had not sang in months before that day so i really thot "wla na t0, pinag iwanan na ako ng panahon so this is useless.. im just gona end up making a fool out of myself"

after auditions, i was surprised that they asked me to study the songs of merrily. but at that time i was still thinking twice whether to go to the kol back the next day or not. during kol backs i was paralyzed with fear.. and at that point, self doubt killed my potential! because i was full of inhibitions i realy sucked and the fear or embarassing myself came true! i looked so stupid i made an ass of myself. at that instant i had accepted that theater was just my past and i was ready to move on.

then a few days later i got the shock of my life! i got a role! but i was still thinking whether to join or if i should just ditch the whole thing. i prayed and prayed really hard for an anser to know what 2do and sayang yung opportunity eh.. anjan na and there had to be a good reason why i got in. when rehersals started i was quiet and always sat in the corner afraid of everyon and id just mind my own business. pipol opened up to me and i sed "hey, they're not so bad after all".. it still took me a long time to get out of my shell and make real friends. by the middle of rehersal month i was slowly regaining my self but fear still hindered me in many ways.

towards the end of merrily i made real good friends and i broke out of my shattered spirit. i guess wat im trying to say is that merrily made me realize that you should never ever let anyone kill your dream..should just stay focused on making that dream a reality..dont let pipol step on you and make you think you're a worthless nobody and dont try to be sumwan you're not just to please pipol coz you'd just be unhappy in the end..the only right thing to do is to follow you're heart and when you do, everything falls into place.

bluerep helped me be the person that i really am, boosted my self esteem and most of all bluerep brot me back to my love. im still super kalawang when performing but honestly this has been a dream come true and deciding to be part of the cast was the BEST decision ive made EVER! merrily is the first play that i really sincerely enjoyed being a part of. in most of the past plays ive done before i got a few lead roles but i NEVER felt fulfilled and ONLY merrily's done that for me. thank you for giving me a chance. bluerep changed my whole perspective, put me back on track, and touched the soft part in my heart that i thot id never feel for anymore.

but bottom line is, its the pipol behind merrily (cast and prod) that made the experience worthwhile. ive never been with such a loving group and ive learned alot from that.

thank you thank you so much. i am ETERNALLY grateful to bluerep. words are not enough to express my gatitude. you guys dont know how much u've helped me alot. im super sorry if i hurt anyone in anyway or if i displeased pipol. thank you guys for being genuinly nice.. it'll be hard to say goodbye. but i hope our paths will cross agen sumday =)

2004-12-18T14:28:00.000+08:00

Ves tu y yo
Siempre asi
Sube y baja pero un dia al fin
Sin querer
Nos va bien
Cuando uno dice se acabo
El amor dice no
Y se queda
Si decides dejarme
No te voy a suplicar
Alla tu si mas tarde
Aunque corras, te escondas
No puedes escaper
Y si te vas
Ya versa
Que no es tan facil olvidar
Sale bien
Sale mal
Como sea pero es tan real
Que al final
Lo demas no importa
Si decides dejarme
No te voy a suplicar
Alla tu si mas tarde
Aunque corras, te escondas
No puedes escapar

=)

2004-12-18T14:21:00.000+08:00

Blah-Blah's part 2:

1. You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on.
2. Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons.
3. To err is human, but when the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil, you're overdoing it.
4. Even God doesn't plan to judge a man till the end of his days, why should you and I?
5. I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.
6. When solving problems, dig at the roots instead of just hacking at the leaves.
7. Duct tape is like The Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
8.There are two kinds of people: those who do the work, and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group; there is less competition there.
9.The greatest pleasure I know is to do a good deed by stealth and have it found out by accident.
10. To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it.
11. Tell me whom you love, and I will tell you who you are.
12.Prayer is not asking for what you think you want, but asking to be changed in ways you can't imagine.

2004-12-16T01:40:00.000+08:00

EDITED VERSION~~~

im pissed at those who are:

1. insensitive and inconsiderate - they don't go the extra mile or dont make an effort. (we all go out of our way but when it cums to certain pipol, they just dont know how to).

2. liars - they always have excuses.

3. kulang sa pansin - they try to get your affection by making paawa. (i dont need excess baggage ryt now).

4. dense - they either cant take a hint or dont know what it is they're doing wrong and if they are doing anything wrong.

5. insensitive and self-centered - its always about "them". they dont even have the initiative to see how you or anybody else is doing even if they heard of the shit that happened. they chose to stay detached/distant and they just dont care about anyone except themselves.

6. narrow and closed minded - they dont forget the past and dont give benefit of the doubt. (pipol change you know! give them a chance.)

7. those who aren't happy for me - not happy with whom i choose to be with. (your bf isnt exactly as great as you perceive him to be, so before you start judging mine, take a look at yours)

bahala kayo! hope you guys know which number you belong to

2004-12-08T19:11:00.000+08:00

late last night paulo brot me to cardinal santos hospital coz my fever was really bad,i had chills and i cudnt get up. they said i got food poisoning and other infections. apparently when u have toxic hyper thyroid everything is multiplied times 3. at first i didnt wnna go to cardinal coz i hate hospitals.. the smell, the ambiance, the needles! but paulo convinced me anyway which im glad he did coz the doctor said if i didnt have myself checked, i wudve blacked out and collapsed. i was so dehydrated and my potasium level was dangerously below border line. and it sucked coz my parents are out of the country so basically i had to handle all this by myself. first the doctor said they needed to hydrate me. when i asked pau wat they were gona do, he said "they're just gona give u a bath dont worry" and ofcourse being the biggest eng-eng ever, i believed him.. so medjo calm pa ako nun then everybody started rattling me and before i knew it this guy sticks this needle and gets my blood.. and i cried.. pano naman i was so overwhelmed. imagine high fever with chills then barfing and head spinning then having 5 doctors interrogating you at the same time and when i was caught unaware.... BOOM! inin-jectionan na pla ako.. i was soo weak soo tired and hungry i hadnt eaten the whole day coz i'd just keep barfing. they also thot it cud be ameobiasis. so anyway, after that i thot everything was finished na then this nurse cums in with a big smile on her face.. "ma'am well hydarte you na" so i was like "ok" then she sticks out another needle! this time only bigger and fatter!! i was trembling and crying like a kid. they had to do it pa twice coz my vein was too small. sakit. i think i almost broke paulo's hand coz i was squeezing it really hard. kakaines kala ko sponge bath lang un pala dextrose! ive never gotten dextrose yet till lastnight. when i got home i texted my brother david in the states right away. if paulo didnt convince me to go to the hospital, i dont think id be well enough for opening night. he took care of me and stayed there whole time.. hay kahit papano i owe him rin..

2004-12-06T23:47:00.000+08:00

went to payatas yesterday.. had a BLAST! kahit bitin.. sobrang saya! very fulfilling and enriching.. glad i shared the experience with the pipol i was with.. im happy we made a diference even in a very small way =) i feel so blessed

2004-11-30T14:42:00.000+08:00

TRUST. its really hard when you break sumwans trust.. its frustrating wen a person chooses not to believe you anymore based on ONE innocent and SMALL mistake in the past. guys can go do watever it is they do (if u get wat im saying) and we women forgive forgive forgive nomatter how many times it happens then pag tayo naman kahit once palang magkamali even if it doesnt count as a heavy mortal sin or even if our mistake doesnt fall under the category of "mistakes guys commit", they hold it against us na for the rest of our lives. hyanaku.

it's hard to trust naren now specially if you've been decieved and shattered so MANY times before. ako pa naman the first time i meet sumwan i always always give them the benefit of the doubt and watever they say and do i believe.. then when i find out they lied or wat, it really hurts. friends have done it to me, so have other pipol. i never should have been oblivious and naive.. Never. but i wouldnt want to be jaded as well. i dunno. its hard to balance.

right now, my guards are up so pls... i have NO TIME for pipol who ARE NOT SINCERE.

2004-11-30T12:11:00.000+08:00

i found my way back to my love.. need a few adjustments tho.. but im glad to be home.. to be myself agen.. i love my art.. u guys cant even begin to imagine how much i do.. confidence nalang and im back on track.. ill make this work out.

"'Cause you can't stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the sun in the sky
You can wonder if you wanna
But I never ask why
And if you try to hold me down
I'm gonna spit in your eye and say
That you can't stop the beat!"

2004-11-29T04:32:00.000+08:00

fart i cant sleep.. just thot of posting entries that i saved but never posted. i dont want to but wat the heck..

******
(Oct. 21, 2004)
hayayay! sumwan kols me here at home pero wla as in wla na akong gana sakanya. he'l kol then just eat or watch tv hardly even made conversation with me then he makes sumbat pa that i keep promising to make this certain dessert for him but as much as id want to, i have no time.. the play is really exhausting and its real work.. then he makes sumbat pa agen na alma (the mayordoma) made the dessert hes been wanting and its sarap. helo! den why dont you go marry her for all i care! just dont make me sumbat that i cant do the littlest things like buying his car freshener.. ok, i havnt had money coz im saving to pay a really big utang which wasnt even supose to be my problem in the first place! was just trying to help a friend. why cant he buy the goddam freshener himself... i dont know if hes just so used to me being there all the time but as far as im concerned, i have no obligations anymore... i told him to stop making everything my folt and he sed "ok dont stress urself bea".. me? stress myself...over him? di na noh. its only now that im starting to grow and love myself agen..give me a break..dont drag me down. im sorry but i have other priorities and im not the same martir bea hul drop everything like a hot potato on his command. and you guys know for this to have happened it wud really take TOO much. im not dealing with shit.. not ryt now.

******
Without You - Rent (for my kuya david)

Without you, the ground thaws the rain falls the grass grows
Without you, the seeds root the flowers bloom the children play
The stars gleam the poets dream the eagles fly without you.

The Earth turns the sun burns but I die, without you
Without you, the breeze warms the girl smiles the cloud moves
Without you, the tides change the boys run the oceans crash
The crowds roar the days soar the babies cry without you.

The moon glows the river flows but I die without you
The world revives colors renew but I know blue only blue lonely blue Without you.

Without you, the hand gropes the ear hears the pulse beats
Without you, the eyes gaze the legs walk the lungs breathe
The mind churns the heart yearns the tears dry without you.

Life goes on but I'm gone 'cause I die, without you without you without you without you.....

******
friends! try this diet (although i havnt bwahaha!)

Breakfast:
6 oz tomato juice
Scrambled eggs with fresh herbs and mushrooms
2 slices Canadian bacon
Decaffeinated coffee or decaffeinated tea with nonfat milk and sugar substitute

Midmorning snack:
1 part-skim mozzarella cheese stick

Lunch:
Chicken Caesar salad (no croutons)
2 Tbsp prepared Caesar dressing

Midafternoon snack:
1/2 cup low-fat cottage cheese with 1/2 cup chopped tomatoes and cucumbers

Dinner:
Mahi mahi
Oven-roasted vegetables
Arugula salad
2 Tbsp balsamic vinaigrette or low-sugar prepared dressing

Dessert:
Lemon zest ricotta crème

OR....

Breakfast:
1 cup fresh strawberries
Oatmeal (1/2 cup old-fashioned oatmealmixed with 1 cup nonfat milk,cooked on low heat, and sprinkled with cinnamonand 1 tablespoon chopped walnuts)
Decaffeinated coffee or decaffeinated tea with nonfat milk and sugar substitute

Midmorning snack:
1 hard-boiled egg

Lunch:
Mediterranean chicken salad

Midafternoon snack:
Fresh pear with 1 wedge Laughing Cow Light Cheese

Dinner:
Spinach-stuffed salmon
Vegetable medleyTossed salad (mixed greens, cucumbers, green peppers,cherry tomatoes)Olive oil and vinegar to taste

Dessert:
Chocolate-dipped strawberries

OR....

Breakfast:
1/2 grapefruitEgg-white omelet with salsa1 slice multigrain bread
Decaffeinated coffee or decaffeinated tea with nonfat milk and sugar substitute

Lunch:
Roast-beef wrap
Fresh apple

Dinner:
Moroccan grilled chicken
Steamed asparagus
CouscousMediterranean salad
Olive oil and vinegar to taste

Dessert:
Strawberries with vanilla yogurt

YUMMY! hehe i'll cook these when i have time and will let you guys try .. =)

2004-11-27T18:06:00.000+08:00

I know where i've been -Hairspray the musical

There's a road
We must travel
There's a promise
We must make '
Cause the riches
Will be plenty
Worth the risk
And chances that we take
There's a dream
In the future
There's a struggle

We have yet to win
Use that pride
In our hearts
To lift us up
To tomorrow
'Cause just to sit still
Would be a sin

2004-11-27T03:59:00.000+08:00

cool! had our first show today (well not technically..it was more of a preview/critics night) and it did well.. or at least more than we expected =) hay saya.. hihi evryone was hugging each other and wla basta fun.. i was in nirvana.. yes, that kind of high =) i missed this feeling! haha then me and a couple of friends decide to sorta celabrate and haynaku super bonding.. its nice to belong to a group that accepts you for who you are simply because they can relate.. (well except for the snobbish ones ive mentioned in my last entry) theater pipol are a difrent kind of breed.. and fortunately for me, i guess its safe to say that i kinda fit in.. its a special and unique understanding hehe toking nonsense agen, as usual.. haha.. nyt repapips!

2004-11-24T01:56:00.000+08:00

just got home from rehersals which didnt go so well.. =( was looking forward to raiding our fridge but it was empty! nowan's home most of the time and damn all there was were lettuce and pakwan! anyway, how do you know if pipol dont like you? or if they're plastic? its hard to know where to place urself.. if ur outgoing, sabihin nila "feeling naman nya, trying hard.. etc" then if ur not, they'll think ur such an outcast.. hay buhay.. ever wonder why there has to be social classes? and if ur not part of their group then ur not worth their time.. nomatter how friendly u try to be. screw pipol hu are like that. shet! theres this really big ipis!! well, tomorows another day =) sumthing new to look forward to =)

2004-11-23T01:58:00.000+08:00

LUPET.. we had our first rehersals/ technical run today at RCBC.. hihi =) anyway just thot of posting blah-blahs: =)

1. No bird soars too high, if he soars with his own wings
2. To look at something as though we had never seen it before requires great courage.
3. When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the morning light, for your life and strength.
Give thanks for your food, and the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies with yourself.
4. It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get back up.
5. The fragrance always stays in the hand that gives the rose.
6. You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience.
7. Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open.
8. To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.
9. It is not the cards you are dealt but what you do with them that counts.
10. Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not.
11. Think for yourself and let others enjoy the privilege of doing so too.
12. If you can dream it, you can do it.
13. If you find in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded.
14. Treat your friends as you do your pictures, and place them in their best light.
15. The only people to get even with are those who have helped you.
16. When you learn not to want things so badly, life comes to you.
17. Give me a fruitful error anytime, full of seeds, bursting with its own corrections.
18. I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing Light of your own Being.
19. When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and I could say, "I used everything that you gave me."
20. A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

2004-11-21T17:36:00.000+08:00

our director is so brillant! as intimidating as she seems, i think shes one hell of a director.. parang she has magic.. she can really bring out the best in you and she knows how to make a scene work, she makes every little detail fall into place. our closing song is a touching and inspiring one but we couldnt deliver it that way until chari made us do this exercise.. it was really galeng.. she made us find our own personal space in the room, then in that space we had to imagine our dream, and gradually imagine grabbing a hold of that dream and living it then finally fleshing it out.

i was so overwhelmed with emotions.. it moved me. i remembered i had a dream pala. and it sux lang how i allowed certain things to kill that dream of mine.. the exercise took me back to wen i was innocent and had something certain to hope for and also took me to my darkest deepest pit..

realizing my dead dream put things in a new perspective, my life has never had a clear and sure direction till now. i duno its hard to explain but after that day i suddenly got this urge and zest for life.. my "dream" brot me back to all things good and shet im toking nonsense agen.. but hopefully u get the point.. evrythings fantasstic.

2004-11-17T13:29:00.000+08:00

Chari gave a really inspiring speech lastnight.. it moved me so much i wanted to burst into tears.. haha she was talking about dreams and how we should hold on to things that matter.. and how we're all doing this production for one reason.. PASSION. it took me a long time to find my way back to what i love.. but now im here and im not letting this go..

2004-11-15T22:10:00.000+08:00

thank you God for giving me a very happy day! i think i did better at rehersals today compared to the past.. and im actually having fun already.. =) im feeling the play.. im back on track.. =) and aside from this, im not so timid and shy anymore.. so y'all can kiss my holy butt HAHA just kidding =) basta saya sobra.. natural high =) astig! wish everyday could always be this way =)

2004-11-14T17:57:00.000+08:00

felt so helpless lastnight.. had no car.. but dat dint stop me and my friends from painting the town red =) if there's a will, theres a cab... mwahahaha (huh? labo)

we went drinking in katipunan. i'll post the pics soon.. had two giant pitchers of zombie! =) (my doctor's gona kill me hehe) at first we were all wacky then towards the end of the night we got serious and smart?.. and started talking about life.. i missed bonding with my friends.. =) but i think im gona have to lay off the booze for awhile coz i can feel it affecting my thyroid agen..

everything went great except for the part wen i allowed myself to do sumthing stupid.. haynaku.. i txtd this "certain person" and of course i got pahiya. this is why i never ever let my guard down but obviously last night i did and i really shouldn't have.. labo kc tsong.. go or stop? yes or no? do u or u dont? will i or wont? fart. im just gona pretend like nothing happened. im soo ashamed.

putting that aside, last night was really lupet.. wan of the lupet-est nights so far.. the feeling of being free.. no worries.. just plain happy! =) you guys are the best!

2004-11-12T01:36:00.000+08:00

U2 - Beautiful Day

The heart is a bloom
Shoots up through the stony ground
There's no room
No space to rent in this town

You're out of luck
And the reason that you had to care
The traffic is stuck
And you're not moving anywhere

You thought you'd found a friend
To take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand
In return for grace

It's a beautiful day
Sky falls, you feel like
It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away

You're on the road
But you've got no destination
You're in the mud
In a maze of her imagination

You love this town
Even if that doesn't ring true
You've been all over
And it's been all over you

It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
It's a beautiful day

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Teach me love
I know I'm not a hopeless case

See the world in green and blue
See China, right in front of you
See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out

See the Bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light
And see the bird with a leaf in her mouth
After the flood, all the colors came out

It was a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
Beautiful day

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Reach me
I know I'm not a hopeless case

What you don't have, you don't need it now
What you don't know, you can feel it somehow
What you don't have, you don't need it now
Don't need it now
It was a beautiful day

HANEP! =)

2004-11-10T10:01:00.000+08:00

FART! i wnna cry.. or should i say die?! i havnt slept since lastnight.. seriously.. and i have no idea why! stayed up chatting with hyannah about stuff that made no sense.. hehe but when i disconnected, i was all by myself agen.. alone with thoughts that kept haunting me.. i tried everthing! i walked around the house to tire myself.. i biked, i did pilates and yoga.. wla paren =( frustrating. my head right now is pounding so hard like theres a herd of elephants inside stampeding. =(

anyway, im glad i have music for an outlet.. imagine if i didnt id go insane! thing is even in that outlet sumtimes nadadala ko watever it is im trying to get away from.. i thought i was old enough not to care about certain things and for a while there i really honestly didnt give a sh*t.. i duno if my "being strong and NUMB" was just a way to put the problem aside.. but its tru.. u cant run u have to face it. i think this whole time i was just in total denial.

hmm.. "HOME is where the heart is?!" lets see.. i dont know where things are gona go from here and if theyre still repairable.. but im cool with anything.. its just the waiting part that sucks..

im lonely.. im worried.. im sad.. im really scared..

i miss my brother david SOO MUCH! everythings screwed up in all aspects and if i cant really count on the first people im supose to turn to (bec we/they are wats f*cked up), im glad i still have friends who are a big part of my life.. im super grateful for them...

haynaku i hate having excess baggage.. ok think happy thoughts.. babies! animals! the ocean! sunsets! =)

i guess its independence form here on.. time to fly away from the nest and leave the mess behind..? haha not making sense =P

(sorry about this entry.. i didnt mean for it to be so negative.. just needed to vent out)

2004-11-10T01:20:00.000+08:00

heehee im happy! after a rotten day i got coffee to calm me down and drove thru mc do with my good friend and got a chicken sandwich!! yey! (oops there goes my diet) HAHA.. after droppin him off as usual being the spongklong that i am, i got lost..agen =) sh*t duno why im so slow i think im too preoccupied with the situation at home. anyway, so i end up in timog (after spacing out in edsa) and sunshine calls so that sorta gave me comfort hihi.. and when i got to a gas station to ask for directions, the guy was really sincerely nice and patient. its simple things like that that make me happy. he even said "ingat kayo ma'am ha goodnight po". wow! the world should have more kind people for it to be a better place to live in =) eh? parang barok.. nway sleepy na sorry for the babaw entry =)

2004-11-06T18:30:00.000+08:00

"merrily...." is such a hard play! for some reason i cant seem to bring out my full potential and that really sucks! i dont know why.. i guess its also cause im new in the group and im still sorta feeling my way thru plus my last lead role was 1999 pa! that was so long ago and when i got to college i stoped theater completely. so yeah im a bit kalawang na. its sad that i have a hard time giving my best nomatter how i try. the play we're doing is no joke at all and its a really good and challenging one. im super happy tho.. i guess if sumthing is really for you and you love what your diong then no matter how long you stay idle your heart will always look for that passion and find its way bak to it. im really grateful to be part of this production plus the company, the people are awesome! they're really nice and they make you feel like you're one of them. sad to say i wasted three years being sumwan i was not and trying so hard to fit in but now i feel alive! its like i found my way bak to my niche.. yey! thing is, its gona be hard to say goodbye to them this december when the play ends.... =(

anyway moving on, today started out great =) but then it ended really bad. =( sucks but thats the way it has to be. on my way home from rehersals, the sky was really beautifull and i saw my first "silver lining".. i wanted to take a picture of it. it was the most hanep sky ive seen since i can remember.. hard to explain but it was really galeng..so galeng that i could feel God's prescence as if He was telling me not to lose hope for He makes all things beautifull in his time =)

2004-11-06T02:27:00.000+08:00

woah! tok about "a first".. just got home from dropping off a friend and piking up my girlfirends for late night cofi when i hit this enourmous lubak and wataya know, the manibela sudenly had a mind of its own! when i got to the gas station i asked them to put air in my tires and the guy sed "ay mam ang laki ng butas nitong isa hindi pwede i-vulcanize sobrang flat" and i totaly freaked out.. well not really.. my friends kept me sane haha =) i didnt even know if i had tools or a spare tire. heller SPONGKLONG ko talaga! anyway, they couldnt take out the tire kc baka masira and they needed a "special tool" so that added more stress.. it was fun tho.. my friends and i were just eating and chatting while the whole caltex was figuring out how to change my tire. =) when things were hopeless na, i woke up my driver asked him to go to where we were and bring "the tools".. after an hour of trying to take out the tire, my driver arrives and gets a screw driver from the gas station and poped the damn thing open.. wow un lang pala eh =) well.. theres always a first for everything and if this didnt hapen tonight, it would have happened anyway =) life is so exciting! =) i love it! guys thanks for helping me and sorry for the hassle

2004-11-05T01:31:00.000+08:00

The Cult
Title: She Sells Sanctuary

Oh the heads that turn

Make my back burn

Oh the heads that turn

Make my back burn

The sparkle in your eyes

Keeps me alive

The sparkle in your eyes

Keeps me alive

And the world and the world

The world turns around

And the world and the world

The world drags me down

Oh the heads that turn

Make my back burn

The fire in your eyes keeps me alive

I'm sure in her you'll find

The sanctuary

I'm sure in her you'll find

The sanctuary

And the world and the world

The world turns around

And the world and the world

The world drags me down

2004-11-04T10:41:00.000+08:00

The priests have said my soul's salvation

Lies in the balance of the angels

And underneath the wheels of passion

I keep the faith in my fashion

2004-11-02T01:32:00.000+08:00

FOTANGEEEEENA ang buhay nga naman..

well lets just say im stuck in a rut agen.. just when u think one thing is over.. hay =) like the messege in our play i guess u just gota "merrily roll along".. ok im not making sense.. but yeah so there..

i miss my kuya david!! cum bak na here i labyu! everytime i get senti, i listen to that song i was telling you about and i remember you.. its all guitars lang but u can feel every emotion.. have you downloaded it yet? (joe satriani, eric jonson, steve val, jimmy page, led zep, live, rush - blues tribute to jimi hendrix)

VALUES. i know im a pretty grounded person or at least i try to be. so if u know who u are, why do u alow urself to be sumwan ur not? para di ka KJ? i cant really eloborate but ayun.. u guys all know that im super "manang" wen it cums to certain things and i hate it wen there are times i cant help but make a total ass of myself and wen i realize it the next day, i know that the person i was the night before wasnt entirely me but i cant take it bak na. i guess we all gotta grow up sumtime.. ah basta un labo! im so super jahe man i dont even know how il be able to face alot of pipol in the next days.. but its all good.. had a blast.. and life so far is HAPPY, Very Happy.

hehe hay times like dis i wish i cud just get away from it all.. go to the beach, watch the sunset, listen to pinkfloyd, be with my kuya and eat me sum "masssrooom omelette" haha!

shoot gotta go to confession.. Eeek..

2004-10-23T01:57:00.000+08:00

its such a wonderful feeling to have something new to look forward to each day and lots of reasons to smile about before i sleep each night =) =) =) im so grateful =) =) =)

2004-10-23T01:02:00.000+08:00

Anxiety, worry and tension are some of the most destructive forces we can face. They sap our strength and slowly undermine our faith, keeping us from maturing in the Lord. Anxiety, worry and tension occur when we face a situation and choose to rely upon our own strength rather than upon God and His Word. we let our carnal nature persuade us that we can do a better job handling the situation ourselves. The moment we step into that place of self-reliance, we open our emotions to a flood of anxiety, worry and tension.

Nothing can separate us from God's love... no financial burden, family crisis, job situation, sickness ... nothing in the past and nothing in the future. He cares so deeply for us, we can cast our anxiety upon Him. "Be anxious for nothing," the Bible says, "but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God" (Phil 4:6). "And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Phil 4:7).

dont worry abt tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own =)

2004-09-29T15:55:00.000+08:00

Everything in this world is impermanent. This is why we shouldnt cling to things but we also shouldnt hold back on emotions such as love, grief, fear and pain because if we dont let ourselves experience each one fully, we'll have a hard time detatching or NUMBING ourselves to these emotions. But detatchment doesnt mean you dont let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully and thats how you are able to leave it.

" By allowing yourself to dive into love, grief, fear and pain, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is..you know what love is..And only then can u say that you have experienced that emotion and you recognize it. " -tuesdays with morrie

Recognizing every emotion helps u detach. Wash yourself with the emotion.. it wont hurt you but it will help you. Once you are familiar to an emotion you dont have to let it control you anymore and you see it as it is. "for loniliness: you let go, let the tears flow, feel it completly--but eventually be able to say alright that was my moment with lonliness. i'm not afraid of feeling lonely, but now i'm going to put that lonliness aside."

"When you learn how to die, you learn how to live" --- Morrie

2004-07-12T18:22:00.000+08:00

last friday i went out with blueminded and lisa..we went to starbux and had a blast! the whole place was filled with our very loud and annoying laughter! and pipol were looking at us like we were a bunch of mongoloids that broke out of the mental institution. well watever, i had fun.. for a moment there it felt like we were kids.. stress free and care free.. then saturday my friends and i went on another adventure... agen.... we wanted to chek out cafe havana and of course we chose to go to the one in malate.. it slipped my mind that there was one in greenbelt. so anyway, as usual, we got lost.. we went thru a whole lot'a hell! before reaching malate, we took a breather and ate pares.. and that was the highlight of the whole evening =) after eating we finally got to malate and guess what... we couldnt find cafe havana! after going back and forth, we ended up in roxas blvd! bay walk! its was my first time to go there and it was fun.. the whole place had a happy vibe and was full of bright colorful lights.. it was kinda like boracay at night.. every reaturant had a different atmosphere.. there were live bands, and all kinds of music.. i really love being with my frineds.. and it doesnt matter where we end up.. as long as we're together, we're bound to have a good time =)

2004-07-07T02:07:00.000+08:00

fun fun fun day.. thank you hyan for coming with me to have my checks cashed.. sory to drag you along all the time.. anyway andrea and i watched dirty dancing and she loved it too.. cool! (next time lets go to cafe havana in makati or malate para iba naman.. and lets get us some HOT latinos!) aftr watching, we went all the way to taft la salle to pick up altair.. and of course we got lost.. agen! and almost got into zilions of accidents.. HAHA.. but it was all good and worth it.. had tons of fun with you drea.. after we got altair we ate in cantina, katipunan.. SARAP ng food.. mexican food the BEST! we were laughing the whole time and we were super hypeeeeer.. i came home full of gas.. *ehem excuse me* =) tiering but fun.. wish everyday could be like this.. hay life.. wat an adventure..

2004-06-20T11:49:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a cool day.. hyannah slept over, we pigged-out, then went to greenhills walked around then later that night picked up florence in her house, got mcdo and starbucks, played with a cute cat outside starbucks (gray and white, with light greenish-brown eyes, really friendly, hyannah named her hermione, and she also fed the cat pizza). there was this girl that looked at us like we were a bunch of freaks.. eh bakit ba? =) if i had a choice, i'd adopt ALL street cats and take care of them =) after that we drove to eastwud to check out "fet de la musik" but the traffic was horrible. we literally "passed by" then went home ryt after. yesterday was fun though even if nothin big happened. we just hungout and chatted. it was a stress free day =) its always nice to hang with hyannah..never negative..she always makes u happi..and ofcourse its always a blast to be with florence..she always has a lot of kwentos...thanks guys! =)

2004-06-16T21:12:00.000+08:00

WOW

i always thought i wanted to marry a strong italian kinda guy..you know, a mafia dude.. but last night i watched dirty dancing havana nights and wow, what a movie! the guy was soooo cute and a perfect gentle man! i was smiling from ear to ear the whole time. he literraly took my breath away..and i caught myself gigling a few times..haha kilig.. i havnt felt this way for so looong..(well, maybe not that long). u have to watch the movie to fall in love with him.. i wish he were real!! =) i wanna be the queen of la rosa negra hehe so he can be my king.. yihee. his dancing was fantastic as well. i was inspirired (since im a frustrated dancer and all..hehe) ahhhh i think the closest i can get to Cuba is arroz a la cubana..DAMN

2004-06-13T02:14:00.000+08:00

Funny..

yesterday was like any ordinary day.. a lazy day.. then my firends txtd if i wanted to go with them to greenbelt later that night to see ben jelen.(sayang bloib di ka nakasama..by the way hyannah, pano ba pronounce last name ni ben? hihi) so finally i drove to hyannah's place, picked her up and went to greenbelt. from her house i was thinking how to get to makati (im super duper bad with directions) hyannah said pass edsa and i was like "where the hell is that? how do i get there?" to cut the long story short, when we got to makati, i didnt know where the parking of greenbelt was (duh!) thats the thing, if u put me and hyannah together, "uh duh" talaga (ehehehe) since both of us couldnt think, we decided to eat nalang..bakasakali our brains would work after that. we got mcdonalds and finally found parking. hyannah witnessed my first parking na naka-reverse. fun! when we got to greenbelt i could smell everyone's sweat a mile away.. everywan was crowding ben and it was soo hot. but when i saw his cute cute cute guitarist all my stress went away. how cute hyannah was so kilig to see ben..haha.well, he really is a galing pianist. we got coffee after that then our other friend txted. she wanted to have cake for her bday. so from makati hyannah and i had to go back to greenhills.. and this was when the fun began.. =) first of all we didnt know how to get to greenhills from where we were. hyannah suggested we turn left but i thot i knew the road going strait.. it kinda looked like the road i pass going to makati-mandaluyung bridge.. ofcourse, i was wrong! the more we drove in circles the farther and farther away we were from getting to gh! i had to poo so bad coz of the coffee but we were lost. my legs were numb and weak.. i was really nervous. we ended up in malate..wud u believ? i didnt know malate was kinda near makati.. the streets were dark and creepy. when we found a gas station, we asked the guard for directions.. he just looked at us with a funny face.. i thot we had no hope. then as we were driving around, we reached a big sign that read "stop look and listen" stop look and listen?! we were at a railroad...a railroad! hyannah and i wanted to cry but we just laughed about the whole thing instead. after malate we reached taft avenue..the whole time it felt like i was holding my breath..we were a little stressed hihi. we played baduy music nalang to feel happy. we kept going back and forth until finally by some miracle, this gay guy gives us the right directions and we were back in makati ave. it felt soo good to be somewhere familiar. for a minute there i thought we wouldnt make it.. i thot we were gona die =( but is was an experience.. a one of a kind adventure.. and im glad i shared it with u, hyannah..BWAHAHAHAHA!

2004-06-07T15:55:00.000+08:00

ice sculptures and sand castles..
they will never last,
but for one single moment,
they will become perfection..
that's all life is,
..beauty and impermanence.

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(this is supposed to be a stick man figure with an male sign on his head)

2004-06-02T01:21:00.000+08:00
performing on stage gives me a kind of high that nothing can compare to. theater is my passion. whenever i perform on stage infront of a large audience, i forget who i am or what m going thru. its like my life is on hold for the few hours that i'm performing. i love getting into different characters and experiencing their world. music is the other thing that brings me to a different place. i dont know how or why but it just does. whenever i wanna get away from reality or just to wynd down and get intouch with myself, music takes me to a world where i can be at peace. i relate not to the words but to each and every rhythm, every count, every tune. its like i connect to music and music connects to me..its a whole different dimension.. from rock and roll to braodway to classical, the sound of any instrument lifts my spirit, every beat goes in harmony with my pulse, the bass touches my soul and each melody makes me calm. (how cheesy) hehe =) its the same kind of feeling that you get when you eat chocolate..(hihi)...a sugar rush that flows thru ur bloodstream. my good friend altair once described the feeling of being one with music as an orgasm. (uh gross!) in his case a spiritual one. the rush of adrenaline, the high, the excitement, the happy "nirvana" feeling. what else can i say, theater and music are my life and the art i live for. =)

=)

2004-05-31T00:19:00.000+08:00
=)

nuthin much happened. two of my friends slept over last night and i convinced them to hear mass and have dinner with my family today. bwahaha. before that we just layed down and ordered food and layed down again, played sims, layed down and then ate again..hihi slobs =) if we didnt have to leave the house i don't think we wouldve taken a bath..babuy.. i miss my bro in the seminary and ofcourse my other bro who's a really galeng guitarist! (come home na soon even for vacation). this is the first summer that i didnt go out of town. i was supposed to go to boracay with friends and my boyfriend but it got cancelled the last minuite..sux..what id give to feel the sand, water, and sun!

happy day

2004-05-29T21:04:00.000+08:00
happy day

went out with all my girlfriends.. we were drivin around and i hit someone's tire, hit a parking booth (that was in the way and the guard didnt even do anything about it. good thing there was nowan inside hehe) and gave someone the finger... how's that for starters? bwahahaha! we also brot snoopy (the kitty that me and my friend picked up from the streets of timog and brot home to love care for) to virramall and everyone kept looking like they've never seen a kitten before.. annoying! but snoopy is the cutest thing. i'm not just saying this because i love her.. she really is adorable.. but my dad won't let me keep her so my friend took her in. anyway, someone looks like shhrrekk! someone looks like shrek... sino kaya? shrek shrek shrek! hihihihihi